“ Little Red Riding Hood ”
by Roger Barki

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I read the other day that of all the fairy tales we were told when we were children, the one with the greatest number of different versions was “ Little Red Riding Hood ”, whether this is true or not, I would like to offer you my own version :

Once upon a time, there was a pretty young girl called Scarlet who had the strange habit of always dressing in red (actually it suited her very well). She worked as an assistant to Lady Nanny Goldsberg. There was also a big bad wolf called Mr Lobo who was the Chief Executive Officer of a forest called Goldsberg Corporation. Lady Nanny Goldsberg had just become a widow, and was assuming the place of her late husband.. The big bad wolf was embezzling money hand over fist, and a hunter called Buster, who was an accountant, was rather suspicious of him for some time.

‘Scarlet, you’re such a dear, bringing me fresh flowers every day to liven up this dreary room.’ Said Lady Goldsberg. ‘We must, however, do a little more to brighten up this office. What was the name of that wonderful decorator who did such a magnificent job to my home?’

‘You mean Mr Queensbury?’

‘That’s right Mr Queens whatever. Be a dear, and call him right away, he’s a real artist, and I’m sure he’ll do wonders to this place. I may be old in age, but I’m very young in spirit. ’ she said with a wink.

‘By the way, Lady Goldsberg, may I remind you we have a very important meeting with the Board of Directors in a few minutes?’

‘Oh yes of course, I just cannot get rid of those tedious business chores, but dear Scrooge would have wanted me to carry on the show.’ Here she gave a deep sob, blew her nose loudly, and with a sigh looked up at the portrait of her husband on the wall.

‘ But first things first, call Mr (I forgot his name again) and set an appointment with him as soon as possible, then we’ll go to the meeting room.’

Lady Goldsberg:
"I called you all here at the board meeting, because ..... Scarlet dear, why are we here?"

Scarlet ( whispering in her ear )
"To discuss the losses."

Lady Goldsberg
"Yes, of course, we are here to discuss the bosses."

Scarlet ( whispering somewhat louder )
"The losses, the losses"

Lady Goldsberg
"I mean the losses, the losses"

Lobo:
"What about the losses?"

Lady Goldsberg:
"Scarlet dear, explain to Mr Lobo about the losses, will you dear."

Scarlet:
"Buster has brought to Lady Goldsberg’s attention that for the past six months we have suffered heavy losses despite our increase in sales."

Lady Goldsberg:
"That’s right, and I am extremely upset, I think you owe us all an explanation."

Lobo:
"With all due respect, Buster is a simple book- keeper, and has no notion whatsoever of the intricacies of business and marketing."

Lady Goldsberg:
"Regardless, I think you should try to explain."

Lobo:
"Well, it’s all due to the overheads and A & SP programs."

Lady Goldsberg:
"For heaven’s sake man, speak in English, so we can all understand. What do you mean by “ above our heads ” and those silly initials ?"

Lobo (with exasperation):
"Overheads are the expenses we have with the huge number of people on our payroll, and A & SP are advertising and sales promotion expenses we have to untertake in order to sell more."

Buster:
"But we have had no reason for such increases in our costs, and our sales are going up ..."

Lobo:
"Will you shut up you punk, you have no idea what you’re talking about."

Lady Goldsberg:
"Now, now, Mr Lobo let’s not lose our temper,  let’s keep this meeting on a civilized level."

Buster:
"Why don’t we call in the auditors to make an independent audit of the last six months ?"

Lobo:
"And spend more money? Those guys cost a fortune!"

Lady Goldsberg:
"I am the president, and it’s my decision, we’ll call in the auditors right away! Buster would you do me the favour."

Buster:
"My pleasure."

Lady Goldsberg:
"OK then, that’s settled, the meeting is adjourned, I have more important things to attend to now."

Lobo:
"Scarlet, you don’t really think it’s necessary to call in the auditors, do you ? It’s a waste of time and money, try to convince Lady Goldsberg not to do it."

Scarlet:
"I don’t know, Mr Lobo, her mind is pretty much made up."

Mr Lobo ( rather sharply ):
"Then change it for her !"

Scarlet:
"I don’t know..."

Lobo ( changing his tone of voice ):
"Scarlet, you and I can be friends, you don’t want to be an assistant all your life, I can get you to places you never dreamed of.... I know you’re ambitious. I’ll tell you what : why don’t you and your boyfriend Buster come to my party tonight, it’s my 40th birthday."

Scarlet:
"I thought you hated him."

Lobo:
"No hard feelings, he just thought he was doing his job."

Scarlet:
"Well, if you put it that way, I guess it’s all right."

Lobo:
"By the way call in Buster, I’ll invite him over personally. And I’ll have my driver pick you both up for the party, it’s a bit far, and there’s no public transportation that goes there."

Scarlet:
"Thank you Mr Lobo, you’re so very kind."

Lobo:
"Buster, my boy, I want to apologize for being so rude with you at the meeting. You were only doing your job. To show you there are no hard feelings, I’ve asked my assistant to stay up with you all night and help you go through the figures. If you still have doubts in the morning, feel free to call the auditors. But I really think you’ll be convinced it would be a complete waste of time and money. And if you have to order a meal or something during the night it’s on me !"

Buster:
"I’m really sorry, I guess it was my fault, I was just being overzealous."

Lobo:
"It’s all right my boy, I was the same at your age."

Scarlet looked at her watch, she barely had time to go to the hairdresser, have a shower and get ready for the big party, so she just dashed out of the office without passing by Buster’s room ( she would meet him in the car that would take them over.)

At 8:00 pm sharp the driver passed by Scarlet’s house to pick her up, there was no sign of Buster, but she guessed he would probably be picked up later. When the driver stopped at Mr Lobo’s house, she asked about Buster, but the driver said he had to finish some kind of urgent job for Lady Goldsberg, but would be coming along in another 30 minutes at the most.

As Scarlet stepped into the house she was surprised to see no guests.
Mr Lobo assured her they would be arriving at any minute, and that his wife was upstairs “preparing herself ”

‘At her age, Scarlet, it does take some time, you know. Why don’t you have a drink while the guests arrive. In the meantime I’ll go upstairs and fetch the Missus.’

Suddenly the door bell rang. It was Lady Goldsberg with Buster.

Lady Goldsberg:
"Scarlet, my dear, what are you doing here?"

Scarlet:
"I was invited to Mr Lobo’s birthday party, isn’t that why you’re here?"

Lady Goldsberg:
"Birthday party my foot, he was trying to lure you to his house to have an affair with you! Don’t you understand my poor child?  And where is he now?"

Scarlet:
"He’s upstairs to fetch his wife, and the guests will be here any minute."

Lady Goldsberg:
"You still don’t get it, do you? It’s a big farce, his wife is in Paris, there is no one in the house but us and a couple of servants !"

Scarlet:
"But, if you didn’t come for the party, why then did you come ?"

Lady Goldsberg:
"To fire the scoundrel. He’s been robbing me blind for months now! Your boyfriend is a hero, he discovered everything, Lobo’s assistant confessed to everything and provided all the necessary documents, the police are waiting outside."

The big bad wolf was caught by the police as he was attempting a getaway, and Scarlet and Buster married, had many children, and lived happily ever after...